seinii

The title says it all.

I don't want to be remembered for what is on this account, and I will leave it for archiving. There's a lot of history with this account that doesn't need to be remembered or accounted for. The only reason why I'm going to post this journal is to speak some last words and that I will not post the new account here. It won't be hard to find, but I don't want to openly promote it. I want a fresh start. However, if anyone really wants to still follow me, just comment for it and I'll personally give it to you by note.

So thank you, to those who've stuck with me for nine whopping years. There's people I remember from years ago or some that are still around and such. You guys are the bomb.

Thank you to everyone.

And in the case of RP groups -- this is where I resign from any affiliation with... any groups, really. There's a lot to say about that topic. So I'm sorry to those who I'm with. I'm going to be leaving all those groups where I've been listed as a moderator and if those who do run those decide to continue -- I'll root for you. 

Below this is only relevant to specific people and my past. So it's not necessary to read -- though, I would much prefer that if you don't have much to do with me around the years of 2012-2013, to not read. Let's get on with it, shall we--?

There's a lot of... "beef" with this account, I suppose? I can't find the words for it. However, in the past, I went through a heavy depression ( approximately 4-5 years ago ), lasting for a few years. I don't need to disclose the information, though some already know. This impacted me severely. My whole person changed as a whole. And from the impact of that, I can barely recall those years, mostly because I've forced myself to "forget" them, to say. So I have no explanations for... my behaviour. This part is a bit of a touchy subject. I don't need to call names -- but it's hard for me to, because I can't even remember all the people that were involved with me.

In this time, I hurt people. I don't know much about it. At the same time, I know that I was hurt, as well. Referring to a specific person -- in which if she'll ever see this is unknown -- for whatever I might have said or done, I can apologize for. But I don't know what it is. And I know fairly well that back then, I had no idea. I was placed in the spot of someone to blame -- for something, something that I didn't know. You truly did hurt my feelings, and that is something that I wish you could've given a proper apology for. I know you have contacted me before, and to the best I could, I tried to respond. In the end, I was still hurt. At the same time -- your apology, to be blunt -- was very... half-hearted. After leaving me for awhile, receiving a message saying stuff such as "I'm sorry, I guess" and such just never cut it. I even went to ask my friends if it was just me being bitter -- but it really was... rude. When I wrote back, I even asked to have my message be read just in case it seemed rude. I never had any intention of doing so. I don't think I ever had any intention of hurting you. All I wished -- was that you properly told me what I did.

Recently, I went to ask one of your friends about it. All I learned is that I seemed cold around the time. Perhaps I may have said something to hurt you at my lowest times. And even in midst of that, all I can recall is admiring you. You were my inspiration -- and I was heavily disheartened from suddenly being left in such a manner. I don't want to drag this on, but it did stay with me for a long time. It didn't have to. The only reason why it stuck so hard is because at the time, I was already depressed -- and you were someone that lit up my world. So to this day, I'll never understand. So while I believe you're expecting an apology... I'll be unable to give one unless I learn.

Moving on, from a certain group that I established in the past -- I know quite a bit went down in there... that I can't really recall, but I know for a fact that I did make some people feel bad. Though to be honest -- I guess a group moderator who's depressed and still a child doesn't make much for one, does it? I was still extremely young at that time. So if I've ever made you feel bad... please, take this as an apology. I won't be able to recall it, so this is all I can leave you with.

One final thing -- I really want to thank the people the really got me into this thing -- because without going through all of this, I wouldn't be doing what I'm doing now. Right now, I'm happy. I want to properly thank the people that I met from the beginning. If I'd never met these people, I would've never gotten into art as much, I wouldn't have written, I wouldn't be doing any of this. These people -- are the people that are a milestone in my life.



Even if some of you might never see this or we might not talk anymore, I just need to mention that... you had an impact on my life. If I hadn't met any of you, I wouldn't have met the people I've met now. And -- these people that I've met now are some of the greatest, most amazing people I've ever met. You were the beginning -- so thank you, for making my life what it is.

Sap story over, but if anyone sticks to the end of this darned thing, I appreciate it.

Do your best. Keep on keeping on.

Thanks for these nine years. <3

02/15/16

Hello!! I know it's been a generally long time and it's not really my place here to hang out anymore, but I do know I still have friends here that I still might stick by to say hi and how are you to! I've been finding that seeing everyone's lives go by actually catch me by surprise, and it's so surreal at the same time... so I thought that maybe I should drop an update here and there, though it might be like two or so people that see it ahaha.

I'm still just as clueless as it comes to about the future, but I'm glad to have many older friends to support me through life. Things happen, you may never end up where you want to be, and it's quite nice to understand this before I graduate... which makes me feel a bit nostalgic, seeing that I came to this website when I was in elementary school. I've met many people, had awkward friendships, but I've learned so many lessons. I've mostly bettered myself as a person and I've learned many things. ( Like no matter how much of a good person you try to be, sometimes people just don't like you. Seriously, that's a weird one! )

I've made friends with people dear to me, I've been able to learn more about myself, and perhaps more clueless with my life's direction... but I want to be happy, no matter where I end up. To me, my friends have been the most important people in my life, and I feel that even if I end up with a boring job or a boring life, I'll always have people that love and care for me — and that's why, I'm not too scared. I have dreams... and sometimes I have obstacles that won't let me fulfill them. But then I'm just taking detours to what I want to do. For the first time in my life, I thought: I want to do something that will make people remember my name, someone who can leave their own, unique mark of their own — and who knows when I'll accomplish this. Teachers tell me left and right that I'm going to be reaching the quarter-life crisis as other people have ( though in my case, I'm not actually a very healthy person so I'm afraid that it might be a third or even a half of my life, ahaha ) but... I think I'll be okay, with the people that I've met.

In short, this is more like a thank you message than an update, I think. There's people on here that if I never met, I wouldn't be who I am today. In fact, I would be a polar opposite person if it weren't for groups of friends that I made... and all of the experiences I went through. So thank you. To those who led me in, introduced me, maybe even hurt me, those are all things that make me, me.

And I'll continue on, doing what I feel I should do. The future is unclear, but that's why I'm going to take a step forward.

I'll be graduating this June, and I hope that I can be hopeful to where I go. I will change. I will become what I aspire to be ( not just job-wise ).

So thank you, so, so much. To anyone that has talked to me before, really.

I'm eternally grateful for who I've become today.

So, I disappeared for a whole weekend - and it was totally worth it (except for the sore foot I have). I was just a really confused Komaeda walking around, but it was super fun.
Nothing more to say than that, but at least my activity might come back since summer's basically here. 


This also happened. I ran into my cousin on the Friday, so it'd obviously mean taking pictures.



Thank you to Nikki for being an awesome Hinata Hajime, as well! I love being carried around like a little princess!




i'm also broke

I missed the monthly music thing by like, two days. I applaud myself, for I am a genius.
And so, this time, April 2014's music sharing kind of thing goes to...!



Lamb. by MARiA (or the group GARNiDELiA, if you go by that, instead). She's also the OP singer for the very recent release of Mekakucity Actors! She is an excellent singer, and I think Lamb. is one her best works. Also, the quality is terrible, so if you have an NND account, you'll have a better time listening to it on there.

In terms of what I'm doing, I'm still waiting for SDR2 The Animation, in which I will be expecting for Fall or Winter now, because I'm trying not to get my hopes too high for this summer. The summer was ideal, though, cause... well, summer. I actually sit down and watch shows in the summer, and it actually takes place in the summer. No better time to watch summer anime in the summer! Especially ones with murder and insanely beautiful protagonists and white-haired anime boys.
I'm also, maybe, the only existing Komaida ask tumblr at the moment... I just needed something to do with my cosplay and my maid dress. Best way - cross-crossdress.

Also, I'm going to be at Anime North this year, so for any Canadians going, it'd be cool to see any that are dropping by. I'll see about going on Friday, but that might not happen... however, I go all weekend long. I'm still considering wearing a maid dress to be a Komaida, but I still want to wear his normal outfit. I do have plans, however, to somehow wear both... maybe that will work?

Well... I guess I'll just keep doing school work, work her, work-working, and just... yeah, working. I will probably, really rarely, almost never, upload on dA. If I start something, it'll get almost finished and then not make it. I also have another unmentioned account that like, two people know, but I'll see what I'll be doing there.

Otherwise, maybe I can only dump my school antics on here. Maybe that will do for now... all I've been doing is insane amounts of sketching, anyways.

I guess it's not a bad thing to post journals. Maybe I should do some kind of monthly thing, like Awesome music that I found this month even though it might've been released 50 years ago or something like that. I'd actually look active if I did that.
That'd be fun, actually. Let's start a monthly awesome music... thing.

The very first super awesome monthly music goes to--!



"A Journey's End" by Peter Gundry! Let my inner music enthusiast come out.
The solemnity of this piece is absolutely amazing. It kind of reminded me of Tera... just a bit. I was planning to play it this March Break. The harp on top of the flute creates a serene atmosphere - I can feel myself peacefully resting. However, the track contains a sense of nostalgia, which kicks in when the strings come in and create that epic sense.
This truly does create a sense of loss - definitely a 'Journey's End'. This piece may be about someone reminiscing about a 'journey' they experienced.
I can't say much more.

On a non-related note, staring at the screen has given me some nice, intense dry-eye condition and I absolutely despise eyedrops, as letting anything go near my eyes is terrifying. How do people use eyedrops and put on contacts, I wonder. I don't blink when people try to syke me, though. But you... you probably get what I mean. I don't want stuff touching my eyes.
Not that I haven't. A lot of people have. But it's very uncomfortable.

I'm also going to bury myself in Komahina doujins. Like, literally. My collection is stacking up, and I've still got money to burn and fling out the window. Why not spend it on doujinshi, right?
When I have time, I'll take a picture of my sanctuary of Danganronpa. I think I might be going a little insane now. This is a terrible obsession, help me please

I also haev no idea if I should take cosplay photos. My Komaeda cosplay is coming in? I don't know what to do with that. However, I will definitely be going to Anime North in that. Yes, Canadians, please come with me to Anime North. I need some Canadians.\
I'm also getting a maid dress. I should seriously consider taking some Komaida pictures. Haha... Ko-maid-a. I love myself.

My jokes are awesome. Can't deny it. Nobody's got nothing on me.